Addiction, Idols and Love

Addiction, Idols … and Love

Addiction: it’s what we all fear, pity, judge, hide, and gatekeep in our own lives and in those around us. The typical addictions we address publicly that are most common are of course drugs and alcohol. If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it a hundred times, “he/she isn’t bad, they just have an illness, they are an addict.” And I believe that’s so very true. Addiction is a disease that is extremely difficult to overcome and to any who overcame it, you should feel a great sense of pride and thankfulness to God for taking that away. Yet some addictions don’t get that label.

Addiction is defined as the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.

Feb. 24,

With all that has happened the last 15 months, God has had some powerful, hard and overwhelming lessons He is teaching me. As I’ve taken a leap of faith and started this blog to use my life as an example that He can heal us, I’m recently reminded of just how awful I was, how unforgiveable the things I’ve done are and that there are limits to people’s love despite my unending belief that unconditional love does still exist. But as I’ve learned all this, God has also been sending so many messages in all of it over the past nine months that sometimes I just want to shut down emotionally and sleep it off.

As we know, when you’ve hurt people, when you’ve sinned greatly, or when your sin is found out, there are consequences to pay. God teaches us that. What I think we often miss as a society is that it isn’t a quick fix. But why? Could it be it’s an evolving process that just takes time?

Which takes me back to addiction. As I’ve been praying the last several days for God to reveal to me what He wants me to learn and share next, I’ve been astounded at the vast number of messages He has sent me. I have a list: it’s not short! But tonight, I’m tired, I had a long day at work, my anxiety/fear/guilt/shame/remorse have gotten the better of me today, and I just wanted to sleep as tomorrow is an early start.

As I lay in bed, I began to pray “God give me the words you need me to speak. Help me to love on those you send me and reveal the lesson you are teaching me that I may continue to change my heart for you.”

Skip forward an hour and a half: I still can’t sleep, my mind won’t stop AND a skunk has graced my presence making breathing questionable. I proceeded to leave the house and visit the gas station to allow for ventilation. Upon returning, I took a sleeping pill ready for sweet slumber...

WRONG!!!

“Hi Amanda, it’s me, God. Remember that sermon I sent you Sunday… yep, it’s related to the thoughts I’ve been giving you for weeks and months now. Man, you really are slow, aren’t you?”

I literally laughed out loud, we smiled at each other… and I opened Microsoft Word.

It struck me that there are more addictions than I believe we as mortal humans want to admit we are guilty of. Obviously, there are the physical addictions mentioned above and others such as food, materialistic addiction, pills, etc. And while those affected by this may be “looked down on” for a time, they are more common and forgivable than some. Someone overcomes drug addiction or alcoholism, and all is typically forgiven as they grow and stay clean. Yes, consequences are to be paid, but society’s view of what addiction is ok and what is not seems skewed. Some addictions we look at as unable to be healed of, or worse than others. I know my addiction was one that is frowned upon as probably dirtier or uglier than most.

It hit me out of nowhere and was born of something I literally hate… shopping. You can ask my family, I typically HATE shopping. It didn’t start that way. I opened the door out of desperation to be a provider, to be loved and needed. I took it upon myself to help myself to what was not mine with the motive of “helping others.” However, Satan saw that and went in for the kill. He found the area I was most vulnerable (fear of not being loved/wanted), grabbed it and created a fulfillment in which I was seeking. What started out as using the company credit card in desperation for groceries, a bill here or there… led to me getting addicted to online shopping via Facebook Marketplace. The praise and the accolades I received from being a “GREAT CUSTOMER” hit me in all the feels: acceptance, approval, strangers feeding me empty compliments about how much I was helping them or their business… it was a sickness, a twisted game Satan tortured me with. I remember praying often “God please help me stop!”

But as I lay here recalling about how awful it had gotten… I was reminded of other addictions as well that I refused to see until this week. It got me to wondering what other addictions there are and what else could I have been addicted to, or worshipping, that I missed?

Then I started brainstorming on what other sins were bred out of that initial sin and addiction. God reminded me of the sermon I heard this week on idols. It dawned on me that not only do we all have idols we put before God (work, activities, vices, ourselves, etc. but maybe our idols have become our addictions or led to them. I thought back to what caused me to get into the situation I had found myself in and God showed me that my idols were the opening to my addiction.

For example: I idolized people: I put their love or acceptance of me above God’s will, in turn I unjustly believed that if I provided comfort, things or security for them then they would love me in return. I didn’t have the money to keep up with it, so I took what was not mine to provide for those around me so that I would feel loved because people “needed” me. My idol led to the action that led to addiction.

Another one: Idol: pride - even after my sin was brought to light, I tried everything in my power including taking out a mortgage bigger than I could handle to get extra money to try and buy my way out of trouble thinking I could “fix” it before more people found out. And to pay bills and provide since I had lost my job (and didn’t tell anyone the real reason why.) Numbers 32:23 “But if ye will not do so, behold, ye have sinned against the LORD: and be sure your sin will find you out.” It led to financial strain. Money ran out, I was still in trouble, and now I had saddled loved ones with expense, shame and embarrassmet that would lead to catastrophic loss, hurt, and anger. My pride kept me from asking for help and led to lies to cover my sin; it exasperated my addiction of control and codependence in that I could not admit the failure of financial instability and mismanagement after the fact. My idol (pride) led to the addiction of lying to “keep” control. It also led to many of my closest loved ones being blindsided, embarrassed, crushed, and disappointed because my life long addiction to “appearing like I had it all together” had come to a head.

It seems so clear now that the idols in my life of which I am now recognizing were a huge part of where my failure to follow God led and that in turn allowed me to step into a life where I let Satan rule me with addictions.

So what other addiction could I be missing: aside from the physical addictions, God put on my heart to dig deeper. What things am I addicted to that aren’t socially classified as addictions.

I wonder how many idols we have that are possibly leading to addictions?

Idol: CONTROL, fear of losing control, turns into addiction of emotional outbursts when a situation doesn’t go as it “should” because it’s the only way we feel heard.

Idol: ANGER, people questioning an action causes us to feel attacked, threatened or undermined leads to the addiction of self-protection and closed hearts.

Idol: INDEPENDENCE, I am “strong enough to handle everything” leads to addiction of never asking for help, even if God sends it.

Idol: SELF, by protecting ourselves at all costs (our wants, our feelings, our needs, our stuff) leads to the addiction of shutting others out or not truly loving or allowing others to love us as Christ does.

Maybe idols and addictions are one in the same… but either way you spin it, we all have hidden hurts, failures, sins, secrets, addictions, and idols that are keeping us from God. Our denial of such idols/addictions is possibly limiting our ability to do His work because of our own selfish ambitions, self-protection, frustration, bitterness, hurt, or fear. If we could just trust God in His most basic instruction, and know that if we do so, He will send the right people to help us through the hardships of life, how much simpler would life be?

Every human on the planet, no matter how jovial they appear or how much we desire a peaceful, no fuss life, WILL have hard times and off days. Our idols of control, insecurity, anger, fear, power, self-fulfillment, pride, and conceit have led us to addictions of food, money, drugs, alcohol, and a plethora of emotional issues impeding God’s will.

What I feel we are ignoring is the ultimate lesson God intends us all to lean into: LOVE.

1 Corinthians 16:14 says, "Let all that you do be done in love".

What if instead of getting prideful, arrogant, insecure, angry, or quick to jump on the blame game; we instead look at the situation and see what God’s lesson is for us, how can we love that person through it? That person that acts angry and yells could be crying out for help due to feelings of desperation or hopelessness. That person who seems prideful could be fighting past demons of constant “never being good enough”. The woman who gripes all the time may be addicted to it because she’s never felt that she was truly loved. Maybe God is using our addictions, and the light shone on them, to correct the worship of our own idols. I have seen the people, brothers/sisters in Christ (even my arresting officer!), God has sent to me over the past 15 months to help heal me, carry me through this season of learning, and teach me… I have often rejected God’s people due to my own addiction to fear of being hurt, judged or someone being mad at me. Ask me how that turned out!

If only we trusted God, enough to release our addictions to these idols in our own lives. I wonder how different our lives would be, or would’ve been? I wonder how different the lives of those He sent would be if they were given the opportunity to do the work that He has called them to do or learned their own lessons while helping you. Galatians 6:2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.

If only we would pause to see the love behind it all…maybe life wouldn’t be so bad after all.

In true Amanda fashion, it took God striking me down to the ocean floor before I opened my eyes and heart to Him, he has taken the last year (and will continue) to heal, teach and love on me. If He can break the massive wave I was on, He can do the same for you. Don’t allow your idols or your addiction to take you to a place you regret, a place where more hurt comes to those who love you before, before acknowledging your weaknesses and seek help to move into God’s plan for you. And don’t forget to give yourself a little grace in the process. The swim is long, hard, and heartbreaking. Stop letting your own guilt, regret, and shame (or the frustrations and hurt of those you love) keep you under the water. Keep swimming, the sandy beach of happiness is there, you just have to want to reach it. Titus 2:11"For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people."  

Much Love and High Tide,

-A-