The Art of Regurgitation

You might think by watching my life that I have read most of the Bible and seen or heard most of the words since I was raised in church, active in church most of my adult life, and even led children, youth, Bible studies, rallies/events, and women’s ministry.

You’d be wrong.

I learned young the art of regurgitation, appearing as though I grasped the concepts, showing others what I knew by being able to lead and speak in front of groups, preparing well but never truly holding it in my heart.

Yes I read the words. Yes I believed them. Yes, until recent years, I did live by them (mostly). So what was missing?

I failed to study them. I failed to be near to Him DAILY. I failed to seek Him and what He was trying to teach me at each phase of life.

Parenting is one major issue I failed at so dearly. I took what I heard, saw and lived in my own life and parented based on those outside influences. I was controlling, opinionated, embarrassing, church hopping, angry, often living in sin and blaming the church or other Christian’s for my behavior. I used scripture and church to try and scare them into believing or acting like I deemed appropriate for Jesus because the fear of God is what was preached so often.

I failed to teach, mentor and guide them to the only truth that matters, be near to God daily and learn to listen to Him so that you may live by His instruction for a fruitful life pleasing to God.

Not all of it was bad. There were good times, happy times, loving times and they both came to know Christ as their savior which I am eternally grateful for.

Our children are amazing adults, partners and parents despite all my failures in raising them. They have found God despite my often opposite example of what to do. But the road I paved has led to much of what is highlighted in the devotional today.

I am reminded today of how little I truly know about Gods words. I regret living without His daily guidance and truly seeking His instructions on HOW TO LIVE, instead of just “acting” like I knew based on my limited reading and picking scriptures out of context to suit my needs.

It has led to more hurt than I can ever atone for, both in family and for those looking in from the outside.

My prayer for myself and for everyone in my life is to seek Gods words daily, and learn to listen to him. Learn to truly listen. Don’t depend only on friends, family, videos, social media, or church as your guide. Depend on God, and with a raw, open heart, seek HIM first and listen intently to His guidance and instruction in all areas of your life.

Much Love and High Tide,

-A-